"Loser" - a short story

“Clear your desk by six this evening. I have had enough of you and your timid sales acumen”, blasted Mr.Taylor right onto my face.

Countless droplets of spit graced my face after what seemed like a century-long discussion. Not so much a discussion, but more of a one-way shouting while I stood still to bear the storm of Mr. Taylor’s heavy words and endless spitting. I had of course tried my best to squeeze in a few words of apology and a dedication to perform better the next time but, as I said, it was almost entirely one-way. I was hardly given a chance to utter more than three words at a time.

I silently walked past my colleagues to my desk. Jeremi had that Oh-I-emphatise-with-you look and followed me to my desk. I knew in my heart of hearts that his was more of an adding-salt-to-the-wound gesture than genuine concern. Stella, who was busy knitting under her table, looked up, gave a cursory glance and then returned back to her “work”. Others in the office did not even bother a glance.

As I sat at my desk, I noticed a strange stillness in things around me. Somehow the wall-calendar that usually beats around restlessly when the ceiling fan is in full swing, was surprisingly quiet today. I thought it emphatised with me. But to my disappointment it felt more like the calendar was staring back at me. Things always seem to have a tendency of staring back at me. It is always as if I am inferior to people and things around me and they all reserve the right to stare back and demean me.

You could say I am the perennial “loser” in life.

Always managed the grades, but never the respect of peers and teachers around me.

Never mustered the strength to ask a girl out – which according to the boys in high school and college was a big “loser” thingy (whatever that means…probably a feminine version of a thing, purposely used to add insult to what is already inherent in being a “loser”).

Always scared to break the rules and break out of the mould.

Always part of a hunk-gang but almost always an understudy and a have-been rather than genuinely belonging to the group.

Today, a dumped salesperson whose services the leading cosmetics company of the nation no longer requires. Mr.Taylor described my sales tactics as very conservationist and lacking adventure, in short, the ‘loser” types who doesn’t dare to do things and go places.

I stormed out of the office at half past five, a good half an hour before the deadline set by Taylor. The lift was under maintenance. I kicked it twice to vent my frustration on an already terrible day and dragged myself down the stairs.

As I was rushing to my car a young man in army fatigues and on crutches approached me for money. A young beggar was always a sad sight. He started narrating his Kargil heroics and how he lost his leg and how he needed money to apply for some jobs. I could care less about his story but dumped a hundred rupee bill into his hand just to get him through his immediate needs. Some high point personally for me after a hard long day.

It has been eleven years since that fateful day.

Life has not changed much for me over the years. Parents left for their heavenly abode after trying their very best to get me married. But girls just could not see beyond the “loser” in me who would most definitely, according to them, fail to bring them security and love. Have hardly earned any respect from peers and employees all these years. The tendency to stick by the rules and never to venture out has proven my biggest obstacle to breaking out of the “loser” tag.

Life ahead also seems exactly a mirror image of what has been. I seem destined to die a loser.

But only yesterday something happened that promises to change me like none other.

I was surfing through the channels late last night and the cable connection got cut off. So I was forced to take a look at the national Doordarshan channel.

An IAS officer who was recently appointed to the External Affairs ministry was giving an interview. His was a perfect rags-to-riches story- how one man’s little help had changed the future of this officer. In the words of that officer, it was this man whose help was solely responsible for his present success and it was this man who was a “true winner” in this world.

The officer was young and well built, with a very ‘army’ look to him and looked strangely familiar. My mouth dropped in astonishment, but more with content, when I noticed the officer was on crutches as well.

I realised I might just die a winner, for a change.

- by Fuehrer

Waves

Waves

The sand lay lazy, tickled by feet many
The waves threatened once, twice, one too many.
Mirth and careless innocence danced around
And there she was…ever so beautifully on the ground.

She loved the water; not so much to get drenched
And romanced the brightness; not so much to leave the rock’s shadow
A smile adorning her face ever so lightly
May be she dreamt of a world of angels, or a pristine meadow.

I discovered her then. Or did I?
All by herself and yet so complete. On the sand dry.
Neither apprehension, nor anonymity.
As if we were long lost friends from the city.

Of family and friends and places we talked
And volumes of past in a nutshell wrapped.
There was something in the air that augured a bond
Discover each other we did, but ever so silently.

And then we met, and met again
In company we lost touch of the world.
As the sand dropped down the other half,
I realized we were the same soul.

It felt like heaven, if ever there was one
The beauty magnified of everything around.
So sweetly unaware of the ebbs and flows
Thinking waves would keep kissing our feet as gently as ever.

Night lost its relevance, so did the day.
But the clouds had gathered.
Storms were brewing, much to our innocent nonchalance
No idea how it would leave us battered.

Would we survive it? Was I strong?
And of all, Why so soon?
But Lady-Fate scripts its own story
Of me and her, she could care less.

Moist eyes and forced out grins
Made life a woeful liability more than god’s gift.
Retrospection…and more of it
Showed some light; faint, but there.

Accepting one is human makes life so simple
So crystal clear, painless, fun and strong.
Oh Love, pardon us for moving away from you.
We always knew you were there. We were weak, we were wrong.

The sun winked his way out of the clouds, cautious yet sturdy.
There was brightness again, and the same mirth in the air.
Made me realize that when hearts are one
Lives can be lived, beating tempests of despair.

The sand still lays lazy, awaiting the tickle of our feet.
While waves, shyly yet with menace, caress yet pound the shore.
Drawing in pebbles and dirt, in brightness and dark,
For life is about taking in, giving back…ever so patiently…ever so strongly.

- Fuehrer

Marijuana as fodder....Heights of Innocence!

Bhutan probably is the only place on earth where pigs, more than humans, are constantly on a high. Apparently, Marijuana grows widly all around this dragon kingdom and hardly anyone smokes it in the country. In fact marijuana is more widely found than grass. But instead of rampant drug abuse in the country, the people are so god-fearing and religious that they feed marijuana as fodder to their pigs. Now thats what the Lord wants us to do. Amazing values! Hats off to Bhutan!

Fuehrer 

Influence Without Authority

Almost always in life, you are part of one group or the other. Whether you like it or not, you are forced to interact with different kinds of people and more often than not you are not so excited about the team dynamics. You hate this snob in the group or that "free rider" waiting for you to do the job for him. But unless you are the leader it is hard for you to influence the flow of things. The issue here is - How do you develop mutual influence without the formal authority to command? How do you interact and communicate effectively with your colleagues?

Well, this is where the "Law of Reciprocity" comes in. It simply means that people must be paid back for what they do. They do something great and you give them something equivalent to acknowledge their contribution. The opposite is true too, although a million times more difficult. This means that there should be reciprocal exchanges between team members so as to click as a group. Whenever there is an exchange it should be roughly equal over time or there are bound to be hard feelings in the group. For example, if a colleague works for 18 hrs a day for a month to finish a job, then just a smile from you would not do the trick. Atleast a gift or a good verbal acknowledgement should be good.

So always remember the Law of Reciprocity to stay in good touch with your team members and to make your presence felt in a group. There are a lot of complications regarding the units of reciprocal exchange but I think the information provided should be enough for laymen to go about their business.

References : Works of Allan Cohen (Babson College) and David Bradford (Stanford University)

For Peace
Fuehrer

Of Crap and Enrichment

Crapping on and on about when one went to pee and how they sprained their delicate little ankle to how their day at class was and blah blah blah....Thats what most blogging is about....Well the mudane activities of day-to-day life might interest the bored majority....Not me....I believe that blogs are supposed to disseminate information which might actually enrich the person reading it instead of making him realise how his own boring life matches with thousands of others....Kudos to those who actually leave me a little more knowledgeable by reading their blogs and Boo's to those who waste my precious time with their crap....In the Fuehrer's pages, be rest assured to enjoy every minute of time spent on it and I promise to fill in your intellectual reservoir bit by bit every time you visit my pages...Let the journey of discovery begin!